i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
