dude i'm inner monologue high
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Still dying that you shit outside
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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