the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
