her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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