I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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