You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
