Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
