it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
