No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
