Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
