Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
