4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
