making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
