Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
