yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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