dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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