the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
