Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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