My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
