My friends, they love my intelligence
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
