I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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