Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me i tasted like america
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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