walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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