Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
