nut hugger
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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