True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
