I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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