some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
