I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
