I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Say something about gay babies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
