i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
