a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
