yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
