god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
