he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
