oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
