I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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