I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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