My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
