Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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