Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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