she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
