i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
