your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
