Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
