Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
