tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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