Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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