I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
