So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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