i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
