I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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