So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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