just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
