I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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