Where is the hickey?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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