Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want a musical about memes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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