What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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