dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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