You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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