She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dignity is for republicans.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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