I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
