im about as happy as oj after his trial
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
