WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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