We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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