one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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