shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
