You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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