Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
