ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
