I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
