You really coming over, don't trick.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
