1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm at about main and main street
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize