im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
