I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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