I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
